Numbers

Having cancer seems to involve a lot of counting.  During chemo I would count off days, weeks, three-week increments.  I was counting down six rounds of three weeks.  I have since been counting weeks since my surgery - six tomorrow- as I am supposed to be allowed to swim after eight weeks.  I have had five radiation treatments and have 23 left to go.  I have had nine Herceptin infusions and have eight to go (also in three week intervals, another thing to count).  After the radiation I will start taking Tamoxifen for five at least and more likely ten years.  I will probably stop counting that pretty quickly.

I have been getting ready to assault Dr. Raish with questions I avoided during chemo and before the pathology report.  And those involve more numbers.  I am ready to know what my status is now, what my chances are for recurrence, what the signs of recurrence might be, how many years it will take to possibly feel like the cancer might not return.  I have remained stubbornly and foggily oblivious to these numbers up until now, but my head is telling me it is time to know what my treatment is netting me in terms of a future.

Happily, I was able to start running again last Friday.  Today I ran for the second time.  It felt fine.  The fake boobs seem to be staying in place with the help of a pretty tight running bra and nothing seemd bothered by moving from a fast walk to a very slow jog.  There is a 5k fundraising run for breast cancer research on Saturday that I think both kids are doing, and maybe I will be ready as well.