Fed up

Well, I got fed up this morning.  Not to belabor the hair thing, but when I woke up it all felt as though it was just hanging off me.  I went to the pool and as soon as I put my cap on I knew my hair might all come off when I pulled it off.  I did not want to deal with this in the locker room.  As nice as all the ladies in there generally are, I still wanted to deal with it in private.

I managed to get the cap off without too much drama after swimming, but didn't dare shower there.  Basically I came home, gathered up a bunch of gear, went into the back yard, and scissored off what I could, following that with a complete self inflicted very short buzz with the clippers.  Surprisingly, as soon as I did it my head felt eons better.  It had been itching and tingling for days, and I was stressed every time I touched it and clumps of hair came out in my hands.

As fine as it felt, I knew it would be an illusion until I can get used to appearing anywhere in public.  So... I threw on a hat and went to the grocery store.  I wish I could say I was completely unaffected and without paranoia, but that would be a fat lie.  I hated every second of it, even ignored a couple of aquaintances.  As I've said here before and I'm sure I will say again... Oh fucking well.  My head does feel really, really good though.

Jon and I have a date tomorrow to go to Portland and peruse the free wig room at our clinic.  Maybe I will find something and maybe not.  I am looking forward to getting my chemo on Wednesday.