Well, I got fed up this morning. Not to belabor the hair thing, but when I woke up it all felt as though it was just hanging off me. I went to the pool and as soon as I put my cap on I knew my hair might all come off when I pulled it off. I did not want to deal with this in the locker room. As nice as all the ladies in there generally are, I still wanted to deal with it in private.
I managed to get the cap off without too much drama after swimming, but didn't dare shower there. Basically I came home, gathered up a bunch of gear, went into the back yard, and scissored off what I could, following that with a complete self inflicted very short buzz with the clippers. Surprisingly, as soon as I did it my head felt eons better. It had been itching and tingling for days, and I was stressed every time I touched it and clumps of hair came out in my hands.
As fine as it felt, I knew it would be an illusion until I can get used to appearing anywhere in public. So... I threw on a hat and went to the grocery store. I wish I could say I was completely unaffected and without paranoia, but that would be a fat lie. I hated every second of it, even ignored a couple of aquaintances. As I've said here before and I'm sure I will say again... Oh fucking well. My head does feel really, really good though.
Jon and I have a date tomorrow to go to Portland and peruse the free wig room at our clinic. Maybe I will find something and maybe not. I am looking forward to getting my chemo on Wednesday.