Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Long time

It has been a long time since I last wrote.  The days are just flopping into each other, as I have waited through another three week cycle, which ends tomorrow with my fourth chemo.  My brain, as stated previously, remains a huge issue.  Yesterday I completely forgot to go and get my blood draw.  This is so unlike me, to miss an appointment, not even to realize I had the appointment, which was written clear as day on the calendar.  Oh fucking well!  I'm sure I can get it today or tomorrow morning, before the chemo.

I believe that after the fourth chemo I will have another set of scans, so the powers that be can evaluate whether our plan is working, and whether the path we are on is the right one.  Jon's cousin had a word for this: scanxiety.  I'm sure that all reading this have felt completely fine, had some kind of medical test or mammogram or x-ray or blood draw and suddenly found themselves imagining all the horrific findings that are possible.  Or maybe you haven't.  Maybe it is just what I do, or maybe what us Jews do.  We Jews tend to worry about what can go wrong more than most, I think.  Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong! I have done that with every pap smear and mammogram and x-ray I have ever had, and these upcoming scans will be no different, except that the imagined nightmare has actually come to pass.  The marching on of days is the only cure for scanxiety, just to push up dates so things happen as quickly as possible and get these things over with, hoping that the wait for results is not too long.  And of course hoping that nothing complicated or surprising is happening inside my body.

I am still able and glad to run or swim every day.  Yesterday we actually had a family run on Ani's birthday.  All four of us together is a rare occurence out running the river trail.  It was pretty sweet, though I am sure a bit slow for Ani.  My daughter is 17, hard to believe, as cliche as that sounds.

Not to bring politics into this venue, but hey, it's mine and I would like to say how relieved I am about the election, both nationally and the state wide elections.  I truly believe that the lives of my children, my family, and the country and the planet would have changed for the worse if Romney had been elected.  Below find just one of many stories, in which the subject could be me pretty easily, that explains why.



  1. I get terrified of scans and mammograms too, but nothing like the terror that I imagine that you are facing!

  2. Laura,

    With Jon's cousin's permission, I'm going to start using his brilliant new term, "scanxiety." I hate hate hate them, but unfortunately, they're a necessary evil ... and then when the news is good, I don't hate them anymore. :) Also, IMHO, yes, I agree that we Jews are by far the biggest worriers out there. I believe that we have truly made catastrophizing a new art form. (Or maybe it's just our family? ;)